A Smattering of Tears

I've done so well this week. My oldest started Kindergarten on Monday and went to full-days just yesterday. Another first today, she wanted to ride the bus. I could hardly argue with her, as it can be a handful to pack up her brothers to drop her off and wake them up from their naps to pick her up. So I filled out the forms and even as I handed them in, I was full of worry. She would have to get up earlier. Will she find her building when they arrive? Will she miss the bus when they leave school?

I just had to tell myself she will be fine. Even though she is still young enough to need supervision and guidance, it is time for her to become a little more independent. That in itself is a big change for Mommy. I thought I had fully convinced myself to relax...

They gave me a tentative time they would pick her up, around 7:10AM - as we are one of the farthest houses from the school and will be one of the first picked up. So we were up, dressed, finished eating, teeth brushed and ready by 6:55AM.

Five minutes later, we see the bus rounding the corner to the house. Here it comes, here it comes! On goes her backpack and I push her out the door, without even a kiss and a hug. She proudly struts down the driveway to the huge, yellow bus. The first step up is almost bigger than she is, but she is up and smiling the whole way. I see her slide into the seat with the ease of someone who's been doing it a long time. One second later and the bus is gone, out of view.

I think it was that stark departing from view, that quick dissappearance. A lump arose in my throat and my eyes started to well up, even as my brain was saying, what's wrong with you, she'll be just fine. I took a moment and let the brimming tears fall, gathered myself together and had to say it out loud, "She's ready. She'll be just fine."